can u get pink eye on your cock?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
