Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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