Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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