Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
