I am spending my child support on dildos
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
