Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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