My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
