You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
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