everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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