At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
