Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
