New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
