idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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