Just mADE A PArabola og urine
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
