I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
