Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
