i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
