I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
