Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
