This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
