Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
