Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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