we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
