he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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