did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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