If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
