We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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