im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
