Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
