allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
