just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
