I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
