Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
