My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
