so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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