somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Houston, we have a blender
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
