there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
