i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
