Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
