Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
