i think i have two assholes
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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