Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
