yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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