I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
