I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
