Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
