I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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