I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Randomize
