Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
