Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
