How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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