If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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